I’m insufferable. Savannah went to sleep beautifully tonight. But she gets in these phases that last a few days. She’ll cry and whine and call to go potty, even though that’s part of her bedtime ritual - before bed. She has cried to go potty a second time even after I’ve let her get up and go once. She’s worse when she’s not truly tired. She hasn’t learned to lie there and think or sing and talk herself to sleep.
So if I put her to bed and hear her crying out 5-10 minutes later, I feel so frustrated, even a little angry. But as soon as she’s quiet for 5-10 minutes, indicating she’s asleep, I automatically say a prayer that she’s safe and alive and wakes up happy the next day. I don’t know where the fear rally comes from because fear of SIDS should wear off at about 6 months. I’m compelled to check on her as soon as I know she’s asleep, sometimes waking her up in the process. Why would I do that? It doesn’t make any sense while I’m doing it either, but I’m compelled to know she’s all right.
I make efforts to let go of the ritualistic fears, but I think it will be the new baby’s coming that will really change it. I don’t think it will be replaced by a fear of losing him though because I think I will have learned that most babies are stronger than I thought the first time around.
