Georgia's Journal

Every couple of weeks I experience about 2 seconds of panic. Very briefly, I am convinced I’ve failed someone. I think that I’ve forgotten a commitment or task or an errand I told someone I’d run for them. Did I leave a friend stood up at a cafe? The window of my laptop’s calendar comes up in my mind. Of course I don’t have it memorized, but that’s my comfort because I know it could hold my answer.

But some appointments I don’t even write down. I have stood someone up before, twice (Jackie in college and Dyan a year ago.) That’s all it takes for me to know it’s likely to happen again. I also forgot this Sunday and Monday nights to run an errand that involved someone else. I don’t plan my week like I should, checking the calendar each night. This month I let my license expire by a week. Not a terrible mistake, but as a cleared driver in our Girl Scout troop, I had to drive 5 girls to the Girl Scout event of the year last Saturday. Thankfully no one was maimed or sued me. But that one nagged at me.

Sometimes, when I do something stupid, often a small driving mistake that could’ve ended in tragedy or just something clumsy or forgetful, I form the words in my head, sometimes out loud to Brad, “I’m never gonna let that happen again.”

Starting now, I’m adding every little commitment or task or deadline on my ical. I’m on the right track about checking it. It’s my little artificially intelligent friend who can keep me looking smart. My kids already know I’m forgetful, which makes me sad, like when Savannah reminds me of something important. It seems she should have more confidence in her mother!

I thought yesterday, I need a job. The thought was related more to isolation and the notion that with a job, I’ll use my time with children as well as quiet time a lot more wisely. A job outside the home is probably 1 1/2 years away, and it may be in going back to college or a full-time, unpaid writing job from home. I should get my act together now.